04 - Diaper Rash and Elderly Lockers - Amy

The bell signaling the beginning of 6th period rang through the halls of Tulsa High School as students slammed lockers shut and raced to get to class. All but one student, sophomore Taylor Hanson, disappeared into their classrooms. Taylor was a blond-haired, blue-eyed guy who stood at his locker and fiddled with the lock.

"Dammit!" He muttered under his breath. He decided that his History notebook wasn’t all that important. Who ever takes notes in that class anyway? He thought. Gathering up the rest of his books, he casually strolled down the hall to room 205 – Mr. Gower’s History class.

"Mr. Hanson, how lovely of you to join us!" Mr. Gower, an older man with a graying beard and a full set of salt and pepper hair said. He fumbled around his desk for a bit and pulled out a sheet of paper.

"I’m sorry I’m late Mr. Gower." Taylor said, taking his seat in the back of the classroom. It was my locker again, I really think I need to get it fix-"

"It seems to me that this is your third lateness to my class this week, Mr. Hanson." Mr. Gower interrupted.

"Is it already three? Oh no, Mr. Gower, I thought we agreed that Monday didn’t’ count! I had a pass, I really did, I-"

"Are you aware of what three latencies leads to, Mr. Hanson?" Mr. Gower stroked his beard thoughtfully.

Taylor shook his head and removed his History book and placed it on his desk.

"It leads to a Saturday in-house Mr. Hanson." Mr. Gower glared at his student icily and ripped a demerit slip from the pad on his desk.

"What? Oh no, Mr. Gower, you can’t give me a Saturday in-house!" Taylor protested with a small grin. "Can’t we work this out? I’ll wash your boar-"

"Give me one good reason why I should ‘talk this out’ with you, Mr. Hanson." Mr. Gower placed the demerit on his desk, took a seat, and folded his arms across his chest. "Being late is a considerable offense! And you have been late three times! That is inexcusable!"

"Oh please, I beg of you, please don’t give me an in-house! If I get an in-house, I’ll get grounded, you know how my parent’s are about those things. I live with eight other people, three brothers, three sisters, two parents and a dog, Mr. Gower. If I get grounded, I’ll have to sit at home all weekend and watch the rest of my family run around, free as birds. I’ll be trapped! It would be horrible for my self-esteem!"

"Mr. Hanson, that’s quite enou-"

"Do you want to be responsible for my baby sister’s diaper rash?"

"Pardon me?" He said, flabbergasted.

"Would you like to be responsible for my baby sister’s diaper rash, Mr. Gower?" The class started laughing softly. They were used to these types of arguments when it came to Taylor Hanson and his teachers. He was too charming for it to get him into any real trouble and by the end of the argument, he somehow always got his way. "You see, If you give me an in-house, I’ll get grounded. Grounding at the Hanson household also includes 24 hour Diaper Duty. Believe me, Mr. Gower, the neighborhood kids can testify, I’m awful at changing diapers. Whatever kid I happen to change breaks out with an awful diaper rash within a few days! And my baby sister isn’t even a year old yet! She can’t handle that type of stress!"

"Mr. Hanson, while you truly enlighten us with your tales of diaper rash, may I remind you that I have a class to teach? And at this point I certainly hope you don’t have any plans for the day after tomorrow. As far as I’m concerned, you will serve your in-house."

At this point Taylor was on his feet. He lived for confrontations with Mr. Gower. He was the most fun. "But Mr. Gower," he protested with a small smile raised on his face, "It wasn’t my fault I was late, you know that! It was those old lockers."

"I’m not interested in your excu-"

"Do you have any idea of how old the lockers in this school are, Mr. Gower?"

"I am certain that I don’t ca-"

"20 years old, Mr. Gower. The lockers are 20 years old. Why, these lockers have been around for longer than I have! And lockers are not like you and I. After a good 20 years, lockers aren’t like people; they aren't good-hearted citizens like us. While we are reaching our prime at the age of 20, lockers have had it! They’re ready for the LRH, the Locker Retirement Home! Their intentions are good, Mr. Gower, they can’t help it if they are the cause of students being late to class. You shouldn’t punish your students on the lack of ability of their lockers!"

"Mr. Hanson, that is quite enough." Mr. Gower stated gruffly. "We have wasted enough time of this period with your silly antics. If you wish to further discuss this after class, you can see me then."

"Yes Mr. Gower, I would very much like that." With that, Taylor took his seat and the class applauded.

Mr. Gower resumed his seat at his desk, closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. Did he say he has three brothers and three sisters? He felt a migraine coming on.