Club Albertane: After Dark

08 - Loving Taylor Hanson - Seth

First published on the Nifty Archive (June 24, 1998)

“Shotgun!”  Zac Hanson yelled, running toward the Hanson family van. 

I smiled to myself, wishing I could be that young and carefree again.  Enjoy it while you can, kiddo, I thought to myself.  It all goes downhill when you turn eighteen. 

There I was being cynical again.  Life wasn’t so bad.  I was twenty-six years old and living my dream, writing songs.  Yeah, I write songs for Hanson, along with a host of others.  But Hanson is whom I devote most of my time to.  This family has done so much for me, giving me a shot when no one else would.  They're the kindest, most giving people I’ve ever met in my life.  They’ve done a lot for me.

You see my parents both worked with Walker Hanson at Helmerich & Payne, an oil drilling company here in Tulsa.  They were all close friends.  Even though I’m a good bit older than Isaac is, he and his brothers have been around me for most of their lives.  I’ve always considered them equals, however.  They're mature, respectful human beings…they’re my friends.

My parents were killed in a plane crash several years ago.  They never got to see the success the Hanson brothers achieved and so richly deserved.  That’s too bad, because they loved those kids like they were there own.  And speaking of that, after Mom and Dad died Walker and Diana really helped me out a lot.  They always included me in family functions, trying their best to be there like real parents would.  For that, I am eternally grateful.

I don’t always get to travel with the boys when they’re out and about, but sometimes I do.  Over the last year, I’ve been to my share of their concerts and personal appearances.  During that time, I noticed that I had feelings for Taylor.  It bothered me at first because I’m so much older than he is.  Talk about feeling strange. 

I can’t even begin to name all the things I love about him.  There’s his smile; his beautiful blue eyes; his gorgeous blond hair; his thin incredible body.  But beyond the physical appearance, there’s something much deeper.  Taylor’s is a kind and loving soul.  I swear there isn’t an ounce of meanness in him.  I’ve never met anyone quite so humble in my life.  If you’ve ever noticed how he is after playing a song on a TV show.  The audience will applaud and he’ll kind of bow his head and offer a shy smile, almost saying, “for me?”  I have all their appearances on tape, believe me, he does it a lot. 

He’s also a very talented musician and songwriter, but I don’t have to tell most of you that.  He and I have collaborated on a number of songs for their new album, due to be released some time next year.  That’s why I was over at their house (their new house, by the way) now, we were working on another song. 

Diana was getting a little stir crazy with so many kids in the house, so she offered to take them all to the park; Walker was off visiting a sick relative; and Ike was once again spending time with that girlfriend of his.  That left me and Taylor to watch as the family van rode down the driveway, making its half-mile journey to the main road.

Their new house is set way back in the woods.  The old place was getting too many visitors.  This provided plenty of privacy, sporting a security fence that surrounded the perimeter of the property.

I turned to Tay.  “You want to try and attack that song now?”

“Sure,” he said, with a smile.

My heart always melted when he did that.  He was so gorgeous.  It was all I could do to keep from taking him in my arms and kissing him hard on the mouth.  I’d dreamed many nights of holding Taylor, making love to him, him making love to me.  I knew it was a simple fantasy, though.  I knew it could never come true. 

Taylor turned and walked back into the house.  I found myself checking out his cute little ass as I followed. 

“I’m gonna go upstairs and change into my swimsuit,” he said.  “I thought we could sit out by the pool and work there.”

“Okay,” I responded. 

“Did you bring trunks?”

I nodded.  I was used to it now.  You visit the Hanson’s, you swim in their pool, and you eat their food.  I was a pro at this.  “Yeah, I’ll just go change.”

Taylor disappeared up the stairs and I grabbed my knapsack and made my way to the guest bathroom.  Once there, I closed the door and started to undress.  “Oh, man,” I said out loud.  Seeing Tay in his swim trunks always turned me on.  It was all I could do to hide the massive erection that usually followed looking at his skinny, but gorgeous body covered only by blue cotton trunks.  I always kept a beach towel handy to hide my shame.  It wouldn’t do to let my feelings be known. 

“Come on, Seth,” I said to myself.  “Think about something else.”  I was already starting to get a chubbie.  Dead babies.  Dead babies. Dead babies.  That’s the mantra I used to chant over and over in my head when I’d get a woodie at school.  Somehow it always worked.  Mind over matter, I think the theory says.  In any event, it did the job.

I finished changing and pulled a notebook out of my knapsack, my songwriting notebook, and made my way out to the pool.  Tay was already there, dressed in nothing but that blue swimsuit.  The sunlight reflected off his slightly tanned firm stomach.  His hair was pulled back in a ponytail.  He looked absolutely beautiful.

I felt my trunks get a little tighter and quickly moved the notebook so it would hide any evidence. 

Tay looked up and smiled.  “What took you so long?”  He was setting up his portable keyboard.

“Sorry,” I responded.  “I had to…uh…find my notebook.”

“Well, let’s get started.”

“Okay,” I said, taking a seat next to him.  “I’ve got a new one for you.  It’s called ‘The Love I Have For You.’”

“Cool,” Tay replied.  “May I see it?”

I handed him my notebook, momentarily forgetting that I was hard as a rock.  I nervously glanced at Tay and saw that he was smiling.  I quickly pulled a beach towel over my lap, trying to act cool.  “What?”

“Nothing,” Tay said.  “Nothing at all.”  He opened my notebook, set it in front of the keyboard, and began to play a few chords.  I’ve never thought I was a great songwriter, but somehow everything sounded perfect when Tay was playing or singing it.  He began to hum the melody. 

I was in heaven.  Taylor was playing my song.  Actually, it was his song, I’d written it for him.  But I don’t think I could ever bring myself to tell him.  As I sat mesmerized, Tay began to play the intro, adding his trademark “oohs” and “ahhs” that always sent me into a sexual frenzy.  I felt myself get harder underneath the beach towel. 

Taylor Hanson opened his beautiful mouth and began to sing the love song I’d composed for him.

I’ve never met anyone quite like you
You’ve made my whole life.  You’ve made it brand new
I’d give you the world, I’d make it your own
All that I ask is that you make your love known
I dream of your smile, of holding your hand
The two of us walking on beaches of sand

Because the love I have for you
It sets my spirit free
We were meant to be together babe
Forever, you and me
If all the world’s a stage, I’m playing the best part
Because the love I have for you
Is love straight from the heart

I was lost in the moment.  I was completely in love with him.  He was singing my song and he didn’t even know how I felt about him.  He could never know.  Life was so unfair.  It had a way of kicking you right in the balls at all the wrong times.  This was one of those times.  I hated this.  I could feel the tears forming in my eyes as I stared hopelessly at Taylor.

The music had stopped.  I hadn’t even noticed until Taylor said something.  “Seth?  Are you okay?”  He gently put his hand on my shoulder, but I recoiled. 

“I’m fine,” I said, wiping tears from my eyes.  “Let’s just…”

“You’re crying, Seth.”

I laughed nervously.  “Yeah, no shit.”  I stood up from the chair, no longer caring if Taylor saw my hard-on or not.  I made my way back into the house.  Taylor set down his keyboard and chased after me. 

I walked into the living room and grabbed my knapsack.  I had to get out of here.  I had to leave and go as far away as I could.  There was no way I could stand it anymore.


“Forget it, Taylor,” I said.  “I…uh…I need to get home.”

He grabbed my arm, turning me to face him.

“Dammit, Seth, you’re not going anywhere until you tell me what’s wrong.”

I looked into his deep blue eyes.  There was so much caring, so much love in them, but that love could never be mine.  I knew that.  “You wouldn’t understand, Taylor.”

“How the fuck do you know I wouldn’t understand?”

“It’s complicated, Taylor,” I said, pulling my arm out of his grip and walking toward the kitchen.  Taylor followed.

“How long have we known each other, Seth?”

“All the more reason not to talk about it.”

“Seth, look at me,” he commanded. 

I turned to face him.  There was a look of concern in his young eyes.  He cared about me. 

“Tell me what’s wrong,” he pleaded.

Tears formed in my eyes again.  “I can’t.”

“You can, dammit.”

“I love you,” I blurted out before I could stop it.  I shook my head.  “Oh, fuck!”  I turned away from him and leaned against the kitchen counter.  “That song you were just singing, Taylor…I wrote it for you.”

“Holy shit.”

“You could say that.”

It was quiet in the kitchen for several minutes.  Neither one of us knew what to say.  I felt sorry for the poor kid. I know he felt awkward.

“How long have you…I mean…”

“Almost a year now,” I responded, interrupting him.  “I really need to go.”

I wiped the new tears from my face and ran toward the front door.  There’d be no way I could get out of here fast enough.  I’d just ruined what was possibly the greatest friendship I’d ever known in my entire life.  The whole family would hate me now.  I could never show my face around “Casa Hanson” again. 

“Seth, wait,” Taylor called. 

I could hear him running down the hall after me.  His hand touched my shoulder just as I was about to open the door.  I turned to face him.  I wanted to scream at him to leave me alone; I wanted to cuss at him; to denounce him forever, but he was crying.  Large tears were streaming down his face. 

He grabbed my hand, squeezed it tight in his, and looked me straight in the eyes.  “I love you too, Seth,” he said.  “I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember.  I’ve wanted to be with you…I’ve wanted to hold you.”

Taylor let go of my hand and embraced me tightly.  I dropped my knapsack and wrapped my arms around his naked torso.  His skin was so soft.  My hands felt their way down his back, fingers slipping inside the waistband of his swim trunks.  Taylor wasn’t wearing any underwear.  Damn, he turned me on.

I felt his tongue probing my chest, kissing it.  I leaned in and kissed the top of his head.  His hair smelled of shampoo and boy sweat.  His boyhood was growing larger.  I could feel it against my leg.  Taylor let out a soft moan as he began to grind it into me.  My own cock was throbbing inside my trunks as my hands went deeper inside Tay’s, feeling his smooth, round ass cheeks. 

He looked up at me and smiled.  Before I realized it, our lips met.  We kissed for the longest time, our tongues digging deep inside each other’s mouth.  Taylor’s hands were caressing my waist.  The moment I realized what I was doing, I pulled away. 

“Oh, shit, Tay,” I said.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his hands moving to the bulge in my shorts.

“Holy mother of fuck,” I said, “we can’t do this.”  Electricity shot through my body as his hand began to massage my hardness.  I wanted him so bad.  “This is wrong, Taylor.”

“What’s wrong about it?”

“I’m old enough to be…fuck, I’m almost twice your age.”

“All that matters,” he said, kissing his way down my chest as he spoke, “is that we love each other.  I want you, Seth…all of you.  Don’t you want me?”

“Oh, god, Taylor,” I said.  “I want you more than anything.”

“Then it’s okay.” He looked up at me and smiled.  He took my hands and placed them on his waist. 

“What about your family?  Walker would shit a brick if he…”

“Fuck my family.  I love you, Seth.  I want to make love to you.”

My hands made their way around to his ass again.  “Tay…are you…”

He leaned in and kissed me hard on the mouth before I could answer him.  He leaned back and smiled.  “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

Our lips met again, tongues swapping saliva in rapid probing motions.  He tasted so sweet.  I picked him up by his legs, our lips still touching, and carried him over to the dining room table.  I set his bare ass down and attacked his neck with my tongue.  His scent was amazing, his skin so incredibly soft.  My hands moved down to his bulge and massaged it slowly as I kissed his shoulder. 

Tay’s hands were running through my hair as he softly moaned and I explored his body.  He leaned back on the table and I licked my way down to his right nipple, taking it into my mouth.  I gently bit at his flesh as he arched his back. 

Taylor lifted his arms above his head, closing his eyes.  “Oh, god, Seth,” he said.  “Oh, shit, man.”

“You’re so beautiful, Taylor,” I said.  My hands made their way down to the waistband of his swim trunks.  I pulled the string, untying the knot that had been holding them up.  I quickly slid the shorts off his body.  His hard little dick stared back up me, begging to be sucked.  I leaned in and gently kissed the soft, pink flesh.  Taylor groaned.

My hands moved up his legs to his inner thighs and gently massaged his balls as my tongue continued licking his tool like a lollipop.  He was so damn hot, and I wanted him in my mouth.

“Suck me, Seth,” Taylor screamed, as if reading my mind.

I quickly took all of Taylor in.  His hot cock was so sweet tasting, like candy. 

“Oh, yeah…” Taylor screamed. 

My tongue teased his dick, moving up and down.  I felt the salty taste of pre-cum and lapped it up like a kitten drinking milk.  As my head moved up and down, taking in more of Taylor, his small hips began thrusting back and forth, causing me to almost gag as his cock touched the back of my throat. 

I continued to suck him, my right hand massaging his balls.  His moaning increased.  Taylor began to buck his hips faster and faster, causing the table to rock back and forth. 

“Oh fuck…” he said.  “Oh, my god…”

My movements became more and more rapid as Tay forced his dick deeper into my mouth.  My tongue swirled around and around, exploring every inch of his beautiful boyhood member.  I could feel his balls start to constrict in my hands.  He was close.

“Oh, shit…I’m gonna cum, Seth!”

He raised one leg up and wrapped it around my body.  Taylor moved his hand down to his chest and began massaging his nipple.  His hardness grew hotter and hotter in my mouth.  His cock was beginning to convulse. 

“Oh, my god!”

I knew it wouldn’t be long now.  I reached around and grabbed his ass, pushing him deeper into my mouth.  His hips and my head moved in synch as Taylor approached orgasm.  His breathing rapidly increased and the moaning got louder.  Tay was about come. 

“Oh, Seth,” he screamed.  “Oh, shit…oh, my…oh.” Tay’s cock exploded into my mouth, the creamy sweetness gushed out of him like a geyser.   I licked and sucked every bit of it as his hips moved more spastically as he spent his load of teen-cum into my hungry mouth.  He tasted so good that I hesitated, continuing to suck until dick softened a bit.  I raised up my head and saw that he was looking at me.

“I love you, Taylor,” I said.  I reached for his hands and pulled him close to me.  Our lips met and Tay probed my mouth for what was left of his cum.

He smiled a beautiful smile and wrapped his arms around me.  “I love you too.”  He kissed me again and then got an evil grin on his face.  “I’ve got an idea,” he said.  “Take me up to my room.”

I picked him up and walked toward the stairs.  “What do you have in mind?”

“You’ll see,” he said.

I topped the stairs and turned to the right. Tay’s bedroom was the first door.  His room, as usual, was a mess.  I sat him down on his unmade bed and smiled.  He was so gorgeous.  I couldn’t believe that I was lucky enough to have had him fall in love with me.  All I wanted was to take him into my arms and never let him go.  I could kiss him and hold him forever. 

Taylor got up from the bed and pointed to me.  “You,” he said.  “Lay down.”

I smiled, a bit confused, but did as he said. 

He grinned. “Don’t go anywhere.  I’ll be right back.”

Don’t go anywhere?  Why would I go anywhere?  I had just scored the finest looking young man on the planet and he tells me not to go anywhere.  I laughed and shook my head. 

Tay disappeared down the hall.  He was gone for several minutes.  I couldn’t imagine what he was up to.  All I knew was that if I didn’t get some relief soon, I was going to explode.  I wanted to cum all over Taylor.  I wanted to shoot my load on his face and lick it off of him. 

When he returned, I found he had other things in mind.  Taylor smiled, holding up a small bottle.  I wasn’t able to tell what it was right away.  As he came closer, I noticed it was baby oil.  He handed it to me as he sat down on the bed.

His hand touched my leg, moving up the thigh, to my hard cock.  I was still bulging to get out.  Tay’s hand reached the tent in my trunks and he massaged it carnally.  I let out a moan as he leaned in closer to kiss my mouth.  He kissed his down my neck and up to my ear, where he nibbled gently.  His hand was still massaging my dick through the trunks. 

Taylor suddenly whispered into my ear.  “I want you inside me, Seth.”

He moved down and tugged at the cord holding up trunks.  He slowly pulled them down, revealing my hard dick sticking in the air.  I’m not all that impressive size-wise…considering my age, but Taylor didn’t seem to care.  He took my manhood in his hand and lovingly began to masturbate it. 

I don’t mind saying that I knew at that moment that I was in heaven.  All I had ever needed and wanted was right here with me now.  I had found love in the most unlikely of places, but at least I had found it.  I didn’t seem to care that I was breaking numerous laws, risking everything I had to be with Taylor. 

But wasn’t it just like he said?  If we loved each other and he wanted to do it, did that make it okay?  Normally right and wrong were so clear.  Now it seemed so vague.  I couldn’t tell the difference anymore.  I was torn between my love for Taylor and what I thought was right…or wrong.

Taylor took the baby oil from my hand and flipped the top.  He squirted a generous amount into his hand and began to cover my dick with it.  It felt so good having him touch me.  His hands respectfully pleasured me as I’d never been pleasured before.  The feelings I was receiving were like nothing I’d ever experienced. 

Still, waves of guilt flooded my mind.  I grabbed his hand and removed it from my penis.  He looked up at me confused.  I simply shook my head.  “As much as I want for this to happen, Taylor, it can’t.”

He frowned.  “Seth, I’ve already told you, it’s okay.  I want to do this.  You’re not making me do anything I don’t want to do.”

I thought for a moment.  Why was this so hard?

“I don’t want to hurt you, Taylor.  I love you too much.  I’ve already done something I can’t take back.”

Taylor offered a sweet smile.  “What you’ve done, Seth, is show me how much you love me.  What’s wrong with that?  Now let me show you how much I love you.”  He straddled my midsection and spread apart his beautiful ass cheeks.  He then used his other hand to guide me into his hole. 

The baby oil allowed him to almost effortlessly slip down over my hard cock.  His face contorted into strange shapes as the pain shot through him.  He slowly, gently lowered himself down, taking a fraction of an inch at a time. 

“Holy shit,” he said, “that hurts like hell.”

He let out a scream of pain as I slipped all the way inside him.  I have to admit it felt absolutely incredible to me.  But I’m not the one I was worried about.

“Tay, are you okay?”

He offered a forced smile.  “Oh, yeah…it feels great,” he said sarcastically.  “I feel like I’m being fucked by a telephone pole.”

I had to laugh at that one.  Me?  A telephone pole?  I don’t think so.

“What’s so funny?” he asked.

“I appreciate the compliment, Taylor, but I’m not that big.”

He offered a small smile.  “It sure as hell feels like it.”

“We don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.”

“No,” he said, “I want to…it just hurts a lot more than I thought it would.”

“I’ve never done this before, Taylor…with anyone.”

He smiled in response.  “Neither have I.  I’m glad I’m with you now, though.  I always thought your first time should be with someone you love.”  He leaned in and kissed me full on the lips.  “It doesn’t hurt as much now.”

Taylor began to move up and down slowly, the look on his face mirroring both pain and pleasure.  I decided it would be best to leave him in control.  The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him.  My hands reached around and grabbed his smooth ass.  He moaned, leaning in for another kiss.  His dick had grown hard again and as he moved up and down, it pressed into my belly.

Being inside Taylor was absolute ecstasy, like nothing I’ve ever experienced.  With each movement, his rhythm grew faster and faster, causing me pleasure I never knew existed.  Taylor could have anyone in the world he wanted, and he had chosen me.  I knew more at that moment, more than any other that I was totally and completely in love with him.

Instinctively, my hips began to buck in rhythm with Taylor, causing me to sink deeper into his body.  He raised up, grabbing the both of my hands, arching his back as he rode me like a horse.  Our screams of love and euphoria filled the room like a sweet symphony.  I imagined Taylor and I alone on a deserted island, our naked bodies entwined in the surf, drinking the nectar of our love for one another.

I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him; I wanted to make love to him until the day I died.

“Oh, Taylor…” I moaned.

He leaned in closer, once again pressing his dick into me.  I felt it ooze some pre-cum, causing it to slide effortlessly across my stomach.  Taylor locked his lips to mine as I continued to fuck him for all I was worth.  I reached behind his head and pulled out the band holding together his golden locks.  His beautiful hair fell down in my face, tickling my cheeks. 

Taylor giggled with glee as our fingers intertwined.  “Oh, yeah, Seth…”

As I swiftly approached orgasm, my hips began to move faster and faster. 

“Oh, god, Taylor…I’m gonna cum!”

Taylor matched my rhythm, bucking wildly in ecstasy.  His moaning grew to a loud scream.  My cock felt as if it was going to explode at any moment.  I tried my damnedest to hold it in, but finally gave in.  With a loud groan, I came hard inside Taylor, ramming myself into him.  In the very next moment, Tay came too, spurting a huge wad of boy juice onto my stomach.

He collapsed on top me.  Our bodies were sticky with cum and sweat.  As far as I was concerned we could stay like that forever, the two of us made one flesh. 

“I love you, Taylor,” I said, through rapid breaths, withdrawing my sticky member from his backside. 

He looked at me with his beautiful, blue eyes and smiled.  “I love you too,” he said, kissing me gently. 

We lay there for the next few minutes in silence, just enjoying each other’s embrace.  I wished it would last forever.  He was my Taylor…my Tay-bear.  I wanted to hold him forever.

 I was almost asleep when the buzzer sounded through the house’s intercom system.  A car had just entered the front gate. 

Taylor jumped up with a frantic look on his face.  “Quick, run downstairs and hop in the shower!  You have a few minutes before they get to the house.”

I did as I was told, gathering up my trunks, and running naked down the stairs.  I heard Tay’s shower upstairs come on as I ducked into the guest bedroom, slamming the door.   I rushed into the bathroom and turned on the water.  I screamed as the icy wetness sprayed down upon my body.  I adjusted the water and let it rain down upon my exhausted body.  As I shampooed my hair, I thought of what had just happened.  Was it real?  Was it a dream?  Would it ever happen again?

I wondered if Taylor had really meant what he said about loving me.  I wondered if I’d made a huge mistake telling him how I felt and then for acting upon it.  I knew I was absolutely crazy for getting involved with him.  I knew that in a real world we could never together.  I knew we were destined to be apart.  The best I could hope for was a wonderful friendship at best. 

But I had today forever in my memory.  I know that for at least a little while, Taylor Hanson had been mine.  No one could ever take that away from me.  I also knew that I could never let what just happened happen again.  I owed it to Taylor.  I respected him too much.  I probably shouldn't have let it happen in the first place.

“Stop it, Seth!” I chided myself.  “Just stop it.”

I pushed it out of my mind as I finished my longer than usual twenty-minute shower.  As I turned off the water, I heard music in the air.  I opened the bathroom door, trying to make out the melody.  My ears were greeted by Taylor’s voice, singing my song.  Somehow, though, this time it sounded different.  I listened carefully, trying to make out what it was.

Tears filled my eyes as the realization hit me.  Before Taylor was just singing a song…one I had composed for him.  Now, he was singing it to me…straight from the heart.  I knew he’d meant what he said.  I fell down on the floor of the bathroom weeping.

In one day, I’d managed to gain and lose the love of my life. 

So had Taylor.